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(from Backpacker Magazine, June 2010, page 52)

Beat Pack Strain

Hauling a heavy load can do a number on the neck, back, and hips. Stay pain-free with these tips.

By Ron S. Doyle

PROBLEM Neck pain Leaning forward against a pack‘s shoulder straps pulls your head into an abnormal forward posture (aka turtle necking), which can cause neck strain, headaches, and impaired balance.

>> Solution Keep your head back and lead with your chest to take pressure off the neck. Also, adjust the pack’s load-lifter straps to 45 degrees. “At lower angles, the top of the pack pulls backward,” says Jason Klimpke, a pack-fitting expert at REI’s Denver, Colorado store.

PROBLEM Tingling fingers A 2007 University of California, San Diego study found that packs weighing as little as 26 pounds can significantly reduce blood flow to your arms, which can be painful, impair fine motor skills, and increase fatigue, and chill hands in the winter.

>> Solution Adjust the pack’s fit to place more weight on your hips. Also, raise your sternum strap just above armpit height, and tighten it to pull the shoulder straps inward, relieving pressure on the shoulder’s axillary vein, says Klimpke. As you hike, pull the straps away from your shoulders with your thumbs for as long as necessary.

PROBLEM Lower back and hip pain Loads weighing just 10 percent of your body weight can compress your lumbar spinal discs, according to a 2008 study in which MRI scans were taken of people wearing a pack.  That two-week hike you’ve planned may only cause some muscle soreness and nerve irritation, but decades of toting an ill-fitting pack can lead to disc compression, degenerative disease, and chronic pain.

>> Solution Make sure your hipbelt sits right on your iliac crest (the top of your hip bones). The pack’s stays (the vertical bars of the internal frame) should curve with your spine without pressing into your sacrum, and the lumbar pad should rest gently against your lower back. A professional stay-bending, which many stores will do for free, can adjust for this. Pre- and posthike stretching also helps: Stand with your feet hip-width apart and fold forward, keeping your torso straight. Rest your palms on the ground beside your feet. Bend your knees if you feel any discomfort of hamstring pain.

Click here for a PDF of the original article, which ran as a supplement to my feature story, “What is he thinking?!”

Getting Intimate with Sex and the City 2’s Max Ryan

English-born Max Ryan plays Rikard, a hunky European architect who crosses paths with Samantha Jones in the upcoming Sex & The City 2, in theaters this May. The role is a major departure from Ryan’s previous roles in action films such as Kiss of the Dragon, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and Death Race. We caught up with Ryan (who you can learn more about at www.maxryan.eu or follow on Twitter at www.twitter.com/MrMaxRyan) for his thoughts on family, career, and relationships.

On his first crush. “Her name was Lisa and I was probably about eight years old. She had long brown hair. We kind of became boyfriend and girlfriend, but at that age, what is it? It was my first love and it was fantastic, you know, cute and innocent and we never really knew what was going on between the pair of us.”

On being cast in Sex and the City 2. I wanted to do something different, like a romantic comedy, instead of being killed or playing these really heavy, nasty characters. That’s not really me—I’m really an uplifting, smiley person. So when my manager came to me with Sex and the City 2, I just said, ‘Okay!’ The rest is history.”

On his family’s reaction to the news. “My mother was absolutely freaking out, loving it. When we were shooting the movie, I brought my parents over to visit. When the customs officer asked “Why are you here in the United States?” my mother said proudly, “Well, our son is in Sex and the City,” and the customs officer started telling everyone. Soon the entire American customs area was cheering for them—it was just incredible.”

On working with the SATC2 cast and creating his character, Rikard. “The ladies have been doing this for years, they have their characters down, and there’s a lot of force there to be reckoned with, so it was a challenge. It certainly wasn’t easy. But when I read the lines written by Mr. King (director Michael Patrick King), my personality really came through. I think it all came together to create something unique.”

On Sex and the City’s portrayal of relationships between men and women. “Since I’ve been watching Sex and the City, it’s actually made me more intuitive about the opposite sex. It’s helped me personally in my own life and if you want to get deep about it, I think it‘s saved a lot of relationships. I believe all men should watch and learn how a woman ticks. It’s really true to life.”

How he describes his Complete Woman. “Best friend, great lover, great mother, loves animals, and a lot of patience. A lot of patience. [laughs] I’m like any man, I adore women. I think behind every good man there’s a very, very strong woman. A man needs a woman to help him keep on track, help him through the good, bad and the ugly. I think I’ve had that and I blew it. You know, I’m 43 and I’ve missed a few opportunities. If I’d watched Sex and the City sooner I think I’d be married by now.”

How women he’s dated would describe him. “It depends on what era of my life. [laughs] I would say motivated, focused, but I may have some kind of attention disorder when focusing my energies on a relationship. I think most of the women I’ve dated left me because I’ve been careless to some degree. When you’re an actor, and building your career, there are a lot of sacrifices you have to make. But I think it’s going to be really interesting to see what happens next in my personal life.”

Click here for a PDF of the original article, including an interview with Sex & The City 2′s Max Ryan.

What is he (really) thinking?!

Women have long gotten a bad rap as being difficult to decipher, but, if you ask us, men can be just as baffling! Luckily for you, we present a view from a true-blue guy into the male mind at 10 crucial relationship stages.

By Ron S. Doyle

By all indications of what I saw in the shower this morning, I am definitely a man. I should know how men think. Apparently, however, I’m a different sort of man, because I’ve recently been called a traitor for revealing male secrets to women (thanks for publishing that past article, Complete Woman). And because, to tell the truth, I just learned I don’t have a clue what other men were thinking.

Here’s what I assumed: there are two major types of men, those who think too much and those who think too little. The thinkers consist of those paralyzed by anxiety and those who always have a plan; in other words, they are the control freaks who run our world. The non-thinkers, in contrast, jump into life headfirst and depend on a testosterone-infused cocktail of courage and charisma to get through it; they are my buddies from college on a bender.

After spending several weeks interviewing men, however, I discovered it’s far more complicated when relationships enter the equation. You wind up with this freaky form of Cognitive Calculus where anything can happen—the non-thinkers start overanalyzing before doing something impulsive and the thinkers leaving rambling voicemails at 3 a.m.

The point? Men think more than I thought—and I was therefore totally stumped.

I was ready to throw in the towel when my friend Frank, a graphic illustrator, shared his own theory on the matter. Frank claims what men think about relationships (or don’t) depends entirely on what they want from the women involved. Frank even defined three categories of women for me: “Permanent Pursuits,” “Friends with Benefits,” and “Hot and Wild,” which sounded more to me like a barbecue sauce than a female archetype.

Believe it or not, Frank is onto something. Tufts University psychologist R.J. Sternberg says all love relationships are built from three basic components that line up perfectly with Frank‘s categories: commitment, intimacy, and passion. Different combinations of these three components create different kinds of relationships—and for men, each relationship results in a different way of thinking.

So, without further ado, here’s a look into the minds of men at ten different relationship stages. See if you can figure out which men are seeking commitment and which only want passion! Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent, embarrassed, and deserving of pity.

1. He reaches out for the first time. Here’s the first time when men really start thinking about those three categories—commitment, intimacy, passion—and how you might fit into them. A few men claimed to have no expectations; their first contact was purely platonic. But Lorne, 45, says men think about two things, sometimes both simultaneously, when they first reach out to a woman: “the prospects of a mutually supportive, interesting, exciting, supportive relationship” and, alternately, “getting laid.”
2. You kiss for the first time. Maybe reruns of Sleeping Beauty on The Disney Channel are having an effect on men; many hold surprisingly romantic notions about the first kiss. And some men consider the first kiss as a final grade on the evening, while still others treat it like a final exam. In other words, there’s a lot of pressure to make the first kiss a good one. The Experience Project, an online community where folks share their life experiences anonymously, is filled with stories of men regretting the outcome of their first kisses. With so much pressure placed on such a small moment, it’s no surprise so many men said they think a little liquid courage (read: a margarita or three) helps them stop constantly wondering and worrying if they have spinach in their teeth.
3. You have sex for the first time. Perhaps all those jokes about “diverted blood flow” are more accurate than we realize, since not one man could not give me a straight answer on what they’re thinking when they first hop in the sack. As best as I could gather, it’s a scrambled hodgepodge of excitement and terror, a desire to have orgasms and successfully give them, and the whole mess is smothered with their own personal kinks. Complicating matters more, some men intentionally try to think about anything but sex (work, cars, golf, you name it), using mental distraction as way to improve sexual stamina. The end result? A man’s inner monologue during your first sexual encounter with them might sound like someone with Tourette Syndrome winning the lottery—or a golf announcer being tickled by strippers.
4. You cry in front of him. Female tears put male senses on red alert—their brains start screaming, “She’s sprung a leak, Captain! Quickly, do something before we all drown!” Sometimes, however, men think your tears are fake, and those warning signals become about you, not what made you cry. Gary, a 24 year old from Luton, England, says “Even if her tears are not genuine, comforting her is the right thing to do, because she may be trying to see how much I actually care.” Karl, a 27-year-old stock broker from New York had a less compassionate outlook: “I view this as major weakness and an attempt to manipulate me. I hate it and if it’s really early [in the relationship] I lose all true interest and will not take her seriously.”
5. He doesn’t call. Lorne confessed that when a man says “I was too busy to call,” it’s probably code for “I’m not that interested.” Other men gave me so many excuses (some legitimate, some questionable) that I felt like a school teacher asking for last night’s homework. I was holding my breath, waiting to hear someone say “It’s not my fault! My dog ate her phone number!” A surprising number of men, however, revealed that they’re not calling on purpose, as a test. Karl says “I will not call to observe a girl’s behavior. Will she call me? Will she go nuts and call 50 times? I give it a few days or so before I respond. It shows me if she’s needy and unstable.”
6. He meets your parents and friends. Often men are thrown off-guard from being paraded around, thinking they must defend themselves from judgment (“I am not a creature in a zoo!” says Gary). But more often they’re asking themselves questions like, “Could I be friends with these people?“ and sometimes, according to a few brutally honest men, “Could I sleep with any of her friends?”  Most often of all? They’re judging too, sizing up your father in the event of a nasty breakup, and then checking out your mother, wondering if you (and your waistline) will someday look just like her.
7. You discuss the future. While there was certainly a group of boys who didn’t seem prepared to talk engagement, marriage and children with a woman, most men I interviewed seemed comfortable with thinking about the future. “If we’re talking about the future, I’m in it with you,” said Lorne. Almost every man who wanted to talk about the future, however, naively pictured marriage and family as enhancements to their current life, instead of a replacement for it. As a married man with two daughters, I kept my mouth shut about the truth; you can thank me later.
8. You have your first fight. When that first major disagreement arises, my friend Frank says a committed man’s mind takes a short journey, starting out at “What is wrong with her?” making a quick pit stop at “I have to fix this,“ and finally arriving at “I’ll just say I was wrong.” Derrick, 39, from Columbus, Georgia, says of his first fight, “She had her first fight. I just listened and kept the conversation moving.”  And Lorne wondered, “How soon until we have make-up sex?”
9. 9. He cheats on you. When men talk about their past affairs, there’s a tendency to deny any thought involved (“I wasn’t thinking”) or to diminish its importance (“It was just sex”). But remember what I said about men’s thoughts when they have sex for the first time? The cheating mind is no different. Their thought processes are on overdrive, first reveling in their naughty behavior, then planning alibis, and for many, finally psychologically flogging themselves with guilt. Frank says, “Regardless of how it happens, eventually you come to one big, understated word resonating through your head—Oops.”

10.  You move in together. Brad Berkowitz, author of The 21^st Century Guide to Bachelorhood (iUniverse, $12.95), offered me a comprehensive list of all the negative thoughts filling the minds of many men: “Moving in together will be a big adjustment. I will have less personal space. I will have less closet space. I will see my friends less often. I will have less free time. She will talk too much. She will continuously ask me questions when I want to watch football. She will take 80% of the bathroom space. She will not understand the ways guys think.”

In the end, despite all their fears, occasionally misguided ideas, and sex-scrambled attitudes, and despite the overwhelming evidence that men think differently that women, men remained optimistic, and the overwhelming majority reported that they truly wanted the same things as women—a secure relationship, an intimate connection, and long-lasting passion. Which makes me wonder—if we all want the same thing, does it really matter if we understand what the opposite sex thinks about it along the way? Probably not. But it’s still nice to try.

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• Collaboration with several contributing writers in different locations
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Ten Things Men Keep Quiet

He’s Keeping Secrets From Us—But Not Necessarily What We Think (Or Fear)! One Man Braves His Peers To Give Us The Lowdown.

By Ron S. Doyle

I was kicked out of the Man Club three days ago, via anonymous email, because I announced that I’m revealing secrets men keep to a popular women’s magazine. The man who wrote the email got right to the point: “You’re an effing traitor, man.” Needless to say, it’s been a rough couple of weeks for me.

While I fit some stereotypical “man” traits (I pee standing up and think monkeys are hilarious) I’m also a writer—it’s in my blood to blab. Therefore, I don’t fully understand why some men keep so quiet.
Since I possess the wrong set of genitals to be a mind reader, I turned to men I’ve known since college, prodding them over several days while we wrenched on bikes, drank homemade beer, and played shirtless volleyball in the park like a much-less-oily version of that scene from Top Gun. I‘d ask, “So, what do you keep secret from women?” They’d shrug and occasionally grunt.

I even interrogated inebriated strangers in a crowded bar during last call, hoping a dose of liquid courage would get them to share. I received plenty of threatening glances from my neighbors at the urinals, but very little information.

Finally, using the magical powers of the 21st century, I started bugging men on the internet. Stories slowly trickled in—and at the last moment, a few of my buddies gave up the goods. Frank, a 36-year-old network administrator in Fullerton, Calif. said, “When it comes to women, what you say can and will be held against you, so I reserve my right to be silent.” Most men, however, really opened up.

So, without further ado, here are ten things that men keep quiet. Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent, embarrassed, and moderately cowardly.

1. When we’re feeling fat. Men avoid words like “bloated,“ but we worry as much as any woman about the width of our posterior (or the size of our chest). Dr. Douglas Steinbrech, a plastic surgeon in Manhattan, says men visit him for Botox, chin implants, and liposuction—but hide it from colleagues, wives and girlfriends. “Sometimes they hide it because of the cost, but usually they are just a little shy about it,” says Steinbrech. Men are taught that displays of insecurity or weakness, in any form, will hurt our image. The end result? We not only keep quiet when we‘ve had a manicure, but also when we have a miserable case of Montezuma’s Revenge or dislocated our shoulder ice skating on a date with you.

2.  When we’re lost. Scientific research has knocked men off their smarty-pants pedestal—intellectually speaking, men and women are undeniable equals. In the Brain Olympics, however, science still awards men the gold medal for spatial reasoning. Yes, in map reading and assembling IKEA furniture, men are slightly better. Since we’re supposed to be good at navigation (and we’re viciously proud of it), many men stay quiet when they‘re lost. My buddy Jon, a 30-year-old auditor in Denver, says men keep quiet because, “We’re never lost. We’re just learning a new route. We’re studying street signs, landmarks, and minding the cardinal direction we’re heading. Keeping all this together is a strenuous exercise—engaging in a conversation would distract from the task.”

3.  When we’re broke. Ken Solin, author of The Key to the Men’s Room: What Men Talk About When Women Aren’t Around, says men often connect their self worth to their net worth. Solin shared the story of one man who (despite being a good husband, father, and all-around nice guy), felt like a complete failure in life when he lost his job to an outsourced employee. After generations of being judged by their wealth and status, some men still feel the need to buy flashy cars, drink expensive Scotch, and hide negative balances on their bank statements.

4.  When we’re dating someone else. Truthfully, men don’t talk about current or past relationships because we don’t want to make you feel insecure. George, a marketing executive in Toronto, says, “I hate it when my wife asks me about my previous girlfriends, especially about what they were like in bed—and who was the best? That’s private between me and them, and I’m very uncomfortable talking about it. When I do say anything, she immediately becomes defensive and starts to trash-talk my previous girlfriends. The lesson? Keep my silence about previous women, and keep the peace.”

5. When we fantasize about celebs or flirt with other women. While I would have amputated my left arm for three minutes with Cindy Crawford in high school, the celebrity fantasy game played by many men doesn’t interest me. I flirt, however, with anything that moves. Why? Many men in relationships don’t consider friendly co-ed interaction as official flirting because there’s no intent (nor pressure) to convert the conversation into something more serious. Therefore, we keep quiet for two main reasons: 1) we didn’t recognize our behavior as flirting or 2) we know it hurts your feelings.

6. When we’re Googling you. Sorry ladies, not one man would admit to going online for info about a woman, unless they met the woman online. Mauricio, a real estate entrepreneur in Miami, admitted to snooping, but wouldn’t confess more. My buddy Fred (who sends emails from Europe like “Went paint balling in Slovenia today” or “The girls in the photos picked us up. Dutch women love Americans.”) says men only Google women because we’re “looking for naked pictures of you.” For men, however, Googling a woman is the Web 2.0 equivalent of looking in your medicine cabinet—or reading your diary—so believe me, it’s happening.

7. When women hurt our feelings. Boys do cry, but society tells us that it’s not okay, so many of us compensate by avoiding emotional situations altogether. When we can’t avoid being hurt, we cover our wounds quickly. Brandon, 34, says “My feelings don’t get hurt often, but when they do, it really hurts. I’d just as soon avoid that experience again. If I’m hurt and I don’t say anything, (women) can’t bring it up in the future to hurt me again. I’ve learned from that mistake.”

8. When we’re afraid you won’t commit. Some men are convinced that great women (who are actually interested in them) are a rare, endangered species. Any sudden moves and you’ll dart off into the rainforest, never to be seen again. Other times, men maintain a silent façade because they’re paralyzed by a past painful rejection. Solin told me about another man who was “unceremoniously dumped by a woman just before he asked her to marry.” The man shoved the pain deep into his psyche and swore he’d never get hurt again. Ironically, women see men in this holding pattern, and assume it’s because they don’t want to commit. Both sexes end up standing, staring, and going nowhere.

9. When we’re feeling really kinky. Men don’t think about sex every seven seconds—that’s a myth—except perhaps during a few terrifying weeks of puberty. But, when a man’s imagination does wander into the bedroom, it sometimes moves promptly back out of the bedroom, into the kitchen, inexplicably holds up a jar of mayonnaise and tells us to love you like a sandwich, whatever that means. Fred insists that the limits of his erotic imagination are “only confined by the law”—and that’s because he’s a law student—in Amsterdam. As Jon says, “I don’t share really kinky fantasies because I think she’ll think I’m weird. Not weird like vanilla flavoring in cola, but weird like she’ll get a 100-yard restraining order put on me.”

10. When we’re just not feeling it at all. A professional ballroom dancer (who asked to be called X) says “Every woman wants to feel like the royal shizzle in bed, but in reality one woman, the same one, will never complete a man’s hunger for great sex.“ While X’s sentiments may resonate with some men, many revealed that male libidos are far more complicated—we worry frequently that we can’t satisfy you, that we aren’t, ahem, “big” enough, or that you‘ll notice the cobwebs on our bedroom ceiling. The most common answer? Men keep quiet when we’re not in the mood because we know women do the same for us—believe it or not, we’re returning the favor.

So, why do we keep quiet? For the record, not all men keep quiet: my college buddy Justin, for example, is really terrible at keeping his mouth shut. His wife says she wishes he would keep quiet more often—especially regarding #1, #5, and #8.

In fact, most men told me that they keep quiet out of respect for women. Whether they’re hunting for your birthday on Facebook, daydreaming about Scarlet Johansson (or you in a tub of butterscotch pudding with Scarlet Johansson), dealing with painful memories of an ex, or measuring their manhood against Johnny Depp and Donald Trump, men shut their traps partially out of pride, but mostly to keep their relationships running smoothly.

Moreover, many women confirm that they keep quiet on these topics too, proving that we’re not so different after all. And that’s a good thing—since I’ve been kicked out of the Man Club, I’m wondering if the Woman’s Club is accepting applications.

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Ron Doyle makes blogging fun, easy and affordable. He has a sensible approach to untangling the seemingly overwhelming task of setting up and maintaining a blog.

– Jennifer Haupt (www.myfaithproject.com)

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Please click here to visit the original article at http://besthealthmag.ca.